A Frenchie Talks about Sex

Ian Kerner: how heterosexual men can become more attentive to women’s pleasure?

Today, I’m joined by Ian Kerner, a renowned sex therapist, best-selling author, and expert in helping individuals and couples navigate intimacy challenges. You might know him from his book She Comes First—a must-read on prioritizing women's pleasure. Ian is also the co-founder of the Sex Therapy Program at the Institute for Contemporary Psychotherapy and a sought-after speaker at TED, Goop, and more.

In this episode, we dive into how heterosexual men can become more attuned to their partner’s pleasure, shifting focus from performance to connection.

We talked about:

• Why did he write a book in 2004 to help men better understand women's pleasure?
• Oral sex and more pleasure for women
• What has changed in heterosexual men’s approach to sexuality since he wrote "She Comes First" in 2004?
• A relax penis is an erect penis!
• The 'willingness window'
• The areas that men still need to improve when it comes to heterosexual intimacy

And much more!

My guest :

Why Good Sex Matters : understanding the neuroscience with Dr Nan Wise

Apologies for the sound from my guest. Her mic is occasionally making some disruptive noise. 🔊

In todays episode we are going to talk about neuroscience and how our brains, bodies, and emotions are deeply interconnected when it comes to pleasure. It's not just about good sex—it's about using that pleasure to enhance mental clarity, emotional well-being, and a more fulfilling life. Dr. Nan Wise is a certified sex therapist, relationship specialist, and neuroscience researcher, known for her book Why Good Sex Matters. Her research, which has gained international recognition, explores the neural basis of human sexuality, addressing key gaps in the field. 

We’ll uncover how our brains handle pleasure, what happens when our core emotions are out of whack, and why menopause might be a hidden gem for sexual renewal.

In this episode we are talking about:

• Why does good sex truly matter in our lives?
• The differents systems
• What are the effects of emotional imbalances?
• Creating healthy habits for our systems
• How does the brain process and react during sexual activity, based on your research?
• In your book "Why Good Sex Matters," you discuss the role of core emotions in physical and mental well-being.
• Menopause a sexual renewal!

To discover more about my guest:

Poly-wise relationships with Jessica Fern

Today we are exploring more about poly relationships : with the joys and challenges of non monogamy. 

I have a very special guest who is a leading voice in this field. Jessica Fern is a renowned Psychotherapist, Coach, and Certified Clinical Trauma Professional. She's the author of 'Polysecure: Attachment, Trauma, and NonMonogamy,' 'The Polysecure Workbook,' and 'Polywise: A Deeper Dive Into Navigating Open Relationships.' While I thought I knew a lot about polyrelationships, her books showed me the contrary and opened my eyes to new depths and understandings.

Jessica's work is all about helping people embody new possibilities in life and love.

Today, we'll be discussing her insights on how to start if we are monogamous and are thinking about openup our relationships, if we are already in conscious nonmongamous how to deal with agreements, jealousy, how to talk about it to our kids, what to do if we feel overwhelmed by the paradigm shifts. 

This podcast will have 2 parts. One starting from people who are monogamous and are thinking about opening up and have questions/concerns. Second part from people who are already in open relationships and have questions concerns.

We talked about:

- Transitioning to Nonmonogamy: with Common Audience Questions

-Establishing Agreements

-Dealing with Jealousy

-Opening a Monogamous Relationship

Insights from CNM Practitioners:

-Key Learnings

-Defining CNM Structures

-Addressing Polysaturation

-Setting Boundaries vs. Controlling Behavior

Find more about my guest :

The Role of Sexual Biohacking with Susan Bratton

Our special guest today is Susan Bratton, who's all about shaking things up in the bedroom with sexual biohacking. She's got some cool ideas to help us spice things up and get that deeper connection we're craving. Susan Bratton the, "Intimacy Expert to Millions💋" is a champion and advocate for all those who desire intimacy and passion their whole life long. She’s created hundreds of techniques that transform “having sex” into making love and is the world’s most well-respected sexual biohacker.

• Having sex VS making love
• Topic of multi orgasmic men
• Antidote to shame
• The Role of Sexual Biohacking - sex with aging
• Semen retention/ejaculatory choice
• Multiorgasmic men

Find more about my guest :

Emily Nagoski : understanding sexual arousal, pleasure, and long-term relationships

Emily Nagoski, renowned author of bestselling books including "Come As You Are" and "Burnout," is a leading voice in the field of sexual health and wellness. With a background in counseling and health behavior, she merges sex education with stress education to empower women to embrace confidence and joy in their bodies. Her latest work, "Come Together: The Science (and Art!) of Creating Lasting Sexual Connections," continues her mission to provide evidence-based guidance for fulfilling and lasting relationships. Emily resides in Massachusetts with her beloved pets.

With Emily Nagoski, we talk about :

• Responsive Desire
• Pleasure as the Measure
• Centering Pleasure
• Culture and Sexual Attitudes
• Sustaining Desire in Relationships
• Navigating Relationship Challenges

Teaser Highlights:

• Pleasure serves as the ultimate measure of sexual satisfaction.
• Creating time and space for intimacy is essential, despite busy schedules.
• Prioritizing pleasure in sexual encounters is paramount for relationship fulfillment.

Learn more about her work :

Reflections on desire gap in the couple

We dive into the 'Desire Gap in Relationships.' It's a weighty subject that every "long term" couple encounters.

In a couple, one person generally has a bit more desire than the other. At certain times maybe. Either it's always the same person, or it alternates, it can come in phases too. Unfortunately, our society tends to glorify high desire, stigmatizing those who don't conform. If you don't have desire then you have a "problem", go get help!

But is this perspective fair? I'm going to challenge the conventional views on desire and delve into three key points to reshape your understanding.

Dr Lori Brotto : sexual health in women and mindfulness

How can we all benefit from mindfulness in our sexual lives?

Dr. Lori Brotto holds a Canada Research Chair in women's sexual health. She is the Executive Director of the Women's Health Research Institute in Canada and is a registered psychologist providing sex therapy to people of all genders.

In this episode, you will learn:

-What mindfulness is and how it can improve your sexual wellness

-How to implement it into your daily life

-How to begin incorporating it into your sex life

-How to involve your partner

-Is mindfulness suitable for everyone?

To follow my guest :

@drloribrotto

Megan Lambert -Why the spark dies : relationship & parenting

🇺🇸 Megan Lambert is a master-certified intimacy expert, best-selling author, and international retreat facilitator. She specializes in helping couples keep the spark alive for the long-term, and women rediscover their desires and reclaim their feminine energy.

We met at a coaching program in California in 2016. I have to tell you that when I saw her and chatted with her, I thought we had a lot in common. And still today following her on instagram whether it's in her professional or personal life, I recognize myself a lot. I really like Megan's thoughts which are very close to mine.

In this episode, we talked about:

• Why is so common to the spark dies among long-term couples? 
• The ways couples can manage the differences between their sexual wants and needs
• How does becoming a mother generally affect sexuality?
• Our first sexual experience after childbirth (c-section and vaginal birth)
• 3 tips to keep the spark alive even after having kids!

To find more about her work:

Genevieve LeJeune : Bisexuality in women

🇬🇧Un club like no other. The skirt club is dedicated to bi-curious and bisexual women for their greatest pleasure! Genevieve Lejeune is the founder of this community that gathers more than 20,000 members worldwide.

She takes us into this club that mixes power, community, fun and excitement!

In this conversation we talk about :

• Reasons why she started this club
• For who this club is for?
• To become a member
• Women's fears about their sexuality
• What about men?
• Safe sex

More about Genevieve :

Dr Tara : become sexually powerful

Dr. Tara is a sex and relationship expert, relationship coach, tenured professor and host of Luvbites by Dr. Tara Podcast. She has a bustling social media presence with over 2 million followers across platforms. Her goal is to normalize talking about sex in a healthy and fun way so that everyone can have an orgasmic day!

How to become sexually powerful by increasing your Sexual self-esteem, it’s the episode of the day!

In this episode, you'll hear us talk about:

• Morning sex
• 3 strong predictors of long-term sexual satisfaction
• The difference between sexual confidence and sexual self-esteem
• What can cause low self-esteem
• 3 steps to becoming sexually powerful
• Sexual profiles: you will discover mine :)
• Mindfulness and sex

Key phrase from the episode: 

"Sexual communication is sexual liberation"

To discover more about Dr Tara :

Erika Lust : Reinventing Porn

Erika Lust made her first participation in a French Podcast to talk about sex education and how she reinvented porn.

I had the honor to have her as my guest!

0-3min : Intro + anecdote

3-7m48 : Who is Erika Lust ?

8m16 : What turns you on doing the work you do ? 

12m : the three mission of Erika

14m49 : the porn conversation

18m50 : The conversation we need to have with our kids about porn

20m33 : Erika’s dog

22m30 : the lack of skills to connect

25m 55 : How Erika Works

28m50 : Money shot (ejaculation) 

32m54 : The place of older people in porn

40m17 : Why should sexologists recommend ethic porn movies to their clients?

48m13 The responsibility of the consumers 

50m30 : to change the system, we have to talk to the men

53m53 : what Erika want to say to French people ?

"Porn is a mass media, it's transmetting messages and if we don't help our children understand and breakdown those messages, they will have to learn about sex from these online porn tubes."

Find more about Erika Lust :

Suzanne Mulvehill and Dr Tishler :Cannabis a treatment for female orgasmic difficulty?

Suzanne Mulvehill is a Clinical Sexologist and Female Orgasm Disorder Specialist. She is doctoral student at the International Institute of Clinical Sexology in Miami, Florida. She is conducting research to evaluate what effect, if any, cannabis has on women who have difficulty orgasming. Dr. Tishler is a cannabis specialist and author on a variety of topics related to the medical applications of cannabis.

• Presentation of their work
• What is exactly Cannabis, Is it legal?
• The Common causes of orgasm problems in women
• The benefits of using medical cannabis in your intimate life ?
• How do you measure orgasm?
• Does cannabis facilitate the mindfulness state that helps reaching pleasure?
• The best cannabis delivery method
• What’s next after the research’s results?
• Cannabis and men's sexuality
• Cannabis and consent : how does it work?

Ressources :

Justine Ang Fonte : your Friendly Ghostwriter

Justine Ang Fonte, Master of education, Master of Public Health  is the child of Philippine immigrants and award-wining intersectional sex & health educator, public speaker, consultant, and professor based in New York City. On Instagram, she's known as "Your Friendly Ghostwriter" composing the texts you avoid sending about setting your boundaries.

In this episode, Justine explain why boundaries should be part of our daily lives. How do you set boundaries in your love life, at work, or in your family? Justine answers all the questions. And most importantly, her message is simple: consent is the basis of communication between two or more people. So that relationships can be mutually respectful, appropriate and caring from the start.

Key points : 

• Definition of a friendly Ghostwriter
• How to set boundaries in the early stages of dating and why is it so hard to set boundaries?
• Why do women have to set boundaries more often than men?
• How to get to know a person’s boundaries before a "quickie"
• What’s wrong with ghosting in dating context 
• Why are boundaries so important?
• Are there any situations where it's ok to ghost?

My guest :

Cam Fraser : understanding men’s sexuality

“People seek help either at a place of desperation or inspiration”

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I’m happy to have a conversation with my australian colleague, Cam Fraser, on this show to talk about men’s sexuality.

In this episode, Cam helps us better understand men's sexuality: from difficult scripts to challenge to tips on how to open up emotionally and be more in touch with your feelings.

We discuss about :

• Sexuality of men today
• Erectile disappointment
• The “wrong” langage to describe men’s sexuality
• Challenging the scripts
• 3 tips to open up emotionally
• Adding dishes to your sex menu

More about the guest : Cam Fraser